I messed up..big time!

Two weeks ago I had a chat with a friend of mine and I asked him how he went about chasing his girlfriend. Apparently, a lot of "tactics" were involved and he finally succeeded, beating a lot of other guys with better potential then him.

But that advice came too late. All along I haven't used ANY "tactics" whatsoever and it hasn't proven to be successful. At all. I'm rash, impatient and worst of all, emotional.

I like someone. But it seems, as of today, I lost her as quickly as I got to know her. That's me doing what I do best - screwing things that were perfect into things that are shit. I've been tactless and I totally regretted what I did.

I wish I can turn back the clock.

I wish we can go back to what we were last time when we first met.

But I know after all the wishing, things will never be the same. It's all my doing and I hate myself for that.

At least I have good memories I can keep with me. And that's why I didn't use the camera when you came over. Looking at pictures later on will just make the memories bad. I don't want that to happen. I just want to remember the memories the way it was.

Like how I held your hand.

How I held you in my arms.

And how I kissed you.

It's such a pity that I'm writing this to a blog and you may only get to read this much much later. That's assuming we even keep in contact.

Like I said before, I want out.

But yet, I still think of you.

This is a conflict of what my brain tells me to do and what my heart feels.

At least now I know I've got my friend's advice to rely on. Sigh.